I'm Not the Strong One
by The Winged Tormentor of Ra
Summary: Warning : Kleenex alert and character death!Takes place after the end of the series, After Atemu went on to the afterlife, everybody seems to move on, except Anzu. Unable to cope with never seeing the one she loves again she seeks to join him in the after


I'm Not the Strong One

Disclaimer - I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, and thankfully not Te'a (Anzu)

I'm sorry.

I know, I'm supposed to be the positive one. I've tried... to move on, but I really loved him. Yuugi I mean.

Well, not Yuugi, the _other_ Yuugi. I knew it wasn't meant to be, I knew at some level that the spirit within the puzzle wasn't...alive. That's why... I could never tell him. Not even after his last duel with _our_ Yuugi, the last time... before he went to the other world.

With him I felt so safe... and, yet, at the same time, I felt like I was dropping suddenly into an endless spiral. His smile, tightened my chest with unspoken desires and my breath was caught in a firm, cherished embrace. My stomach fluttered when he spoke, his deep, confident voice washing over me in waves.

" Oh Atemu, " I sigh softly the words trigger a pain in my chest, like someone thrust a dagger into it. _Atemu_, the dagger twists in my heart and warm salty tears cascade torrentially down my cheeks, the pain is spreading, my throat is constricted and my head is pounding with the rhythm of each aching heartbeat.

" _Anzu daijobu imasu ka_ ?" Yuugi asks, innocently, his wide, innocent, amethyst eyes drawn up in worry.

I mask my torment and answer him with a smile, " _Hai, Yuugi-kun_ ,". Lying to my friends, the people dearest to me, but my soul hides its bloody hands clutching around my broken heart.

I'm sorry...

I can't love Yuugi... the way I loved you Atemu, you... the tears overpower me again. Why did you have to go? Why... why couldn't you stay? I laugh softly inspite of myself, I _know_ the answers to these questions, yet knowing...doesn't ease the pain.

No... its _not_ okay. Atemu, you were... my one and only, fate is unbelievably cruel. You were the man of my dreams... but I was three thousand years too late.

I'd always thought... with my dreams, with my friends I would see it through...somehow, but the days dragged on like centuries and what used to be 'no big deal' started to swallow me up.

I'm dying.

The darkness is drowning me slowly and I'm powerless to stop it... I don't _want_ to forget you, I _want_ to keep these feelings. I just wish it didn't _hurt _so much.

I look at my reflection in the bathroom mirror... god, I look so pale, _like a ghost_ I muse morbidly. I think if I keep crying I might just shrivel up like a raisin.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry... Joey...Tristen... my heart skips a beat, I'm sorry... Yuugi. I know, you're going to blame yourselves. You're going to tell yourselves " We should've noticed something was wrong ," " We should've known ,".

Its not your fault, its mine, I'm just not...as strong as you. When it comes right down to it, I _want _to die. If my heart hurts this much, then I want to stop breathing...

Forever.

Atemu... I'm sorry to you too. Will you forgive me...if I go to where you are... if I come to you now? Please forgive me.

I'm just not as strong as Yuugi.

God Atemu, if being near you was unbearable... then being _here_ is sheer hell.

I eye the bottle on the nightstand, the sleeping medication _Okaasan_ bought for me, I haven't touched them. Even if I manage to fall asleep, I know my dreams will be haunted by you, but at least I could be with you for what seemed like a few...precious moments.

I take a handful and swallow them like M&Ms, _is it enough?_ I wonder, for I haven't the slightest hint of drowsiness, I grab another handful pleading to whatever deities reign _Please! Please take me to him. Atemu, I beg you, let me rest for eternity in your arms! It hurts here...please...it hurts...so much..._

I fall back against my soft bed, perhaps I overdid it a bit, the pills've hit me full force... but already it feels like he's wrapped me in his embrace. My eyes water " Atemu...you're here ," I smile. I close my eyes in bliss...

It doesn't hurt anymore.

_Fin_

Winged Tormentor : Wow, was that sad. I had no idea I could write such tear jerking stuff.

Carmen : (balling her eyes out)

Winged Tormentor : (hands her character another box of Kleenex tissues) Aww Carmen, are you crying because you read my story?

Carmen : (nods)

WT : Your sad that Te'a died?

Carmen : (shakes her head 'no')

WT : Then whats with the waterworks?

Carmen : (sniffles) I wasn't in this fic.


End file.
